Tag Archives: career

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

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Yeah, yeah Valentine’s Day, blah, blah, blah…..

So what do romantic relationships have to do with marketing yourself? Well if you’ve ever been on a dating site you know exactly what! If you’ve been out of the on-line dating scene, let me share some striking similarities….

THE PROFILE PHOTO – Going through potential dates’ photos is both exhausting and hilarious, because you see snapshots under the “WTH-were-they-thinking?” category: Women showing how hot they are with “slut” photos, and men showing their “adventuresome” side with long distance shots of them skiing, hang gliding, zip lining, etc, but you can’t see their faces? This is what happens when we get trapped into contorting ourselves into images of what we think they want.

 

 

 

 

THE PERSONAL BIOS – After awhile, you skim through the first paragraph because so many use the generic description, like “I love to laugh”, “I’m comfortable with a night on the town or relaxing on the couch binge watching”, etc. Too many people write the obvious, but don’t take the time to express sincere individuality.

THE ON-LINE EXCHANGE – “Hey”, “What’s up?”, “Hi”. I kid you not, people actually think communication begins this way. Of course, there’s the complete opposite approach where they write a tome and expect it to be personal? The problem here is overthinking. When we don’t write enough, we’re actually censoring ourselves based on the fear of saying the “wrong” thing. When we write too much, we assume that they won’t understand us, so we over explain.

Success lies in having a picture, a bio, and a pitch that truly expresses who we are. What most people don’t understand is that we can never do this alone. As I’m writing this, someone else is looking over my words, giving me honest feedback, because I know that two minds are better than one. My two cents? Team up with somebody, whether it’s for your professional profile or your online dating profile. We all need support from those who can see us as we are, not as we should be.

 

Why?

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Let me share three questions that have kept me on track while keeping my eye on the prize. They have supported such goals as a 500 mile bicycle adventure, my move across country, and myValedictorian return to college at the age of 40 (just to name a few).

1. I ask myself, “Why?”

Sometimes we take on goals because we think we “should”. I should get in shape. I should go back to school. I should read more. Acting on these thoughts is usually a knee-jerk response to comparison to others. Unfortunately, there tends to be little follow-through, because we resent tasks that aren’t personal. (Were you ever forced to take music lessons? Join a sports team?) In order to succeed at any one thing, we must first ask ourselves why we want it. If our answer is dependent on the approval of others, then it’s time to reevaluate. And if we continue to ask “Why?” during the process of achieving it, our answer becomes clearer and clearer. So when taking on any new task/goal, life change, or career change, first ask, “Why do I want _____?”

2. Where do I spend my time?

The easiest way to see what we value is to review how much time (and money) we spend in certain areas. We may have made a goal to write a book, but upon examination we might discover that the time we actually spend on it is far less than the time we spend on say, working out. Maybe it’s just time to focus on getting in shape? And then ask ourselves “why” we want to get into shape. There is no “wrong” here, just clarity.

3. Is this still fun?

Nowadays, a person will change their career/job 7 times during their lifetime. But when is the right time to change? The question I always ask myself is, “Is this still fun?” As an actor, I almost always answer, yes. But when it doesn’t feel like fun, I go back to question #1 and ask myself “Why do I want (to act)?” My answer revitalizes me and usually has me exploring new options and honing my skills for the pure joy of it.

What questions help you along the way to your goals?

The Tortured vs. The Healthy Artist

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As I sit in the fallout of tortured “geniuses” before me, I reflect on how we, in an effort to feel safe, separate our art from our daily living.
I watched the documentary, Salinger, on PBS’ American Masters. As an actor, I’m fascinated with human behavior. Salinger was – is – a writing phenom, but what interested me was how he wrote as opposed to what he wrote. Not long after Catcher in the Rye was published, he moved from Manhattan to Cornish, New Hampshire, an idyllic, sacred place “away from it all”. But unlike most writers, who use their sacred places with scheduled intent, he used it (and his windowless office) non-stop, and it became a place for him to hide. I see obvious parallels to this and the abuse of natural drugs. Originally intended as medicinal and sacred, plant based drugs are now used as modern day transports to “hiding places”.

There’s a false romance that plagues our arts. It is one that says we must be a “mess” in order to be a genius: Van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, Curt Cobain, Whitney Houston, Phillip Seymour Hoffman – you get it. But, come on, we know that it doesn’t have to be that way. We can be “normal” and still fulfill our art purpose. Yet still we continue to romanticize eccentricity bathed in the light of genius and fame. As with Salinger, we categorize his willful separation from his family (and his odd Lolita complex) as just a part of him being a genius, and turn our palms upward. What can you do? Something. I believe we can do something. I wondered, as I watched this documentary, if his work would have benefited from healthy relationships. Could he have created art without having to deny his daughter and wives the affection they so craved? Could being a good father, neighbor, teacher, or husband, have driven him to write even better works?
In the five main areas of life – career, relationships, health, finances and spirituality – artists tend to focus on only one: career. I want to pile all of these areas in the same car, and take a road trip through art. I imagine good health supporting my career. I imagine frequent, in-person contact with loved ones fueling my career. I can see a strong spiritual base inspiring my creativity, and a good financial flow that keeps me abundant in art supplies. Being a loner is considered cool. Being career driven at the expense of personal relationships is deemed admirable (unless you’re a woman). Being an outsider, being separate is considered synonymous with being a genius. It’s also synonymous with being a serial killer. We are not separate. We are not our art. Our art is simply an expression of who we are. And who we are is the sum of all of our parts.